God Sends Lion to Protect Baptist Church after Ike

Looters will be Eaten!

God sent a wayward lion from an exotic pet store in Texas to protect a Baptist Church from looters after Hurricane Ike devastated the community.

Lion, Tiger Spotted Among Wreckage After Ike

U.S. facing possible hearing loss epidemic

This is for all you morons out there who think you’re so cool as you drive down the street with your bitchin’ sub-woofers.  Yeah, you… with sub-sonic, high amplitude bass with such power that your car rattles noisily and the drivers beside you wonder if parts are going to start falling off your car.  You, who complains about “the man” while pounding your brain and vital organs with something the military has developed into crowd control weapons.

This is especially for that asshole neighbor of mine who’s numerous and frequent pals thump so loudly that I can hear them over my surround sound system with the door closed and they live three houses away.

Gosh, you are SO cool.

What really sucks is that as these neighbors and people like them slowly go deaf, the average schmo like me has to listen to them get consistently louder as they loose their hearing… wallowing in denial and the desire to quench their thirst for that throbbing rhythm that has so thoroughly enslaved their temporal lobe.

Let the class-action lawsuits against sub-woofer manufacturers begin.

Iris-scan systems to secure Arab states’ borders

Wow.  This really makes me want to convert to Islam.

Thank You for Flying Orwell Airlines

Just when you think it is safe to board an airplane…

Apparently, to ensure terrorist-free flights at home and abroad, the glorious Department of Homeland Security (DHS) has decided that they must become terrorists themselves.

One of their senior officials thinks it would be a righteous idea to slap an electronic tracking bracelet on every passenger. One that will shock the crap out of you if you "get out of line".

Feature List:

• Take the place of an airline boarding pass
• Contain personal information about the traveler
• Be able to monitor the whereabouts of each passenger and his/her luggage
• Shock the wearer on command, completely immobilizing him/her for several minutes

We all know that airport security is not known for their ability to judge what a real threat is… and the Feds want to give them a handy-dandy shock button to hit when they "feel threatened"?

I’m sure the Bondage and S&M types will be signing up in droves.

Thank you Sir, may I have Another?!?

Parental Rights are being Stolen

This is the incredible story of a family ripped apart by over-zealous social workers in Worcestershire, England.  As America continues to lean towards nationalized health care, the story is a grim reminder of how run-away governments can ruin our lives.  Over a simple, well-deserved swat on the back-side, these parents were thrown in jail, interrogated and threatened because their son and a friend trumped up a story to police of abuse, starvation and “deprivation of toys.”  The resulting “investigation” has ruined their lives.

Nationalized heath care and the bureaucracy that props it up is simply a way for the government to control how we raise our children and live our lives.  People have become so afraid of properly disciplining their children (i.e. spanking, which is not equal to beating/abuse) that they have abandoned all traditional, tried-and-true methods for controlling unruly children.  Instead, allowing government medical personnel to prescribe mind-altering drugs to reign their children in.  Sometimes triggering psychotic breaks that end in violence and death.  We all need to take our parental rights back from the government before we loose our children to the New World Order.  Now – or be enslaved.